Tuesday, October 21, 2008

An Urgent need to write...



Tonite? A warm nite in Hong Kong the summer seems to befading away and the autum is just around the corner.. I don't know why but this time it seems like is taking longer to get cooler.. my mind is full of thoughts & some of them I really wish theren't were there.. this days I wonder if I have made a mistake and that if this mistake will cause me dolor... I am confused and I need divine guidance I hope everybody feels this way before taking a big step.... If I see what is in my mind I will be completely overwhelmed so I rather not go there....

Finances, peace, a wedding dress, weight, I dont like it, lonely, tears, I am tired, I am confused, I don't know, what to do?, How?? When?? .................

Off tp try to sleep................

Saturday, October 18, 2008

Exhausted............





Tired......... I am tired...


Sometimes my insecurities are so much in front of my face that makes me want to run away... There are things that I desire yet seem impossible to achieve I need faith to believe and power to do it... I was reading an article about Afganistan and my heart cried for the kids there.. this days tears are often in my eyes.. I need to feel more the heart of God sometimes is just so easy to forget what God feels the routine can be so dead and dry... sometimes I miss the feeling of "Family" and feeling connected... I know I am probably just venting soo no worries.. I will be ok tomorrow!

I need God... I need to believe Him that He is GOOD and that He never leaves us, not forsake us!! He will open the red sea...he will open the way where there's no way.. he will feed the 5,000 with little I KNOW HE WIll.........

Off to sleep :)

Tuesday, October 14, 2008

The tears the beautiful tears....





I never knew tears could be so beautiful so deep and sometimes so painful....

I am trying to discover a treasure that has been buried for years... the expectation and awaiting is exciting, frustrating, YET I know the reward will be great!!!

I am learning to risk, to give, to die to self, to persevere, to expect, to trust, to know..............


An awareness of GOD to work in ways I've never seen before...

A great sense of expectancy......

Off to sleep is 1:14 AM

Monday, October 13, 2008

A little piece of heart.....



Tan solo un adicto,
Un adicto de tu Sol
Y es que con solo un cachito
Un pedacito de tu luz,
Yo llegaria al cielo
O me caeria al suelo,
Por ti amor

Tan solo
Un cachito de tu corazon
Soy un adicto de tu corazon

Pedirle a mi cabeza
Que deje de pensar en ti
Es casi como pedirle
A mi corazon que deje de latir
Mas bien olvida eso
No no repitas eso, te pido amor

Thoughts that are in my mind and rambling around my head...is late and I want to get some sleep... my mom was not home.... I miss my family... Sometimes is hard to open your heart and to get ripped apart.... I love God... I want to go to a jazz concert.. I am afraid to lose... I am afraid to try, I am afraid of rejection.. Again fear crips in my heart..............
Off to sleep ...teaching about the University of the Nations tomorrow :) ..pictures
???? dolphins in Hawaii...

Tuesday, October 07, 2008

Only if I could................



If I could protect everyone that I love from being hurt from being cheated, from being stupid I could..........

Sometimes I don't know that I can take the step that is in front of me... I have fear to fail, to judge, to not accept, to not forgive, to not give mercy, to not change, to stay in the same place, to not be more godly, to not love, to have the same vicious circle of life that takes away the beauty of God, to not be aware of God's mercy & love, to not appreciate, to not be thankful, I NEED TO FORGIVE and TRUST but sometimes is hard really really hard...

Tonite?? I awarness of darkness around.. maybe because is grave sweaping day..
my heart feels heavy.....

Off to sleep....

Saturday, October 04, 2008

In love..........



I've always wonder how really felt to be in love of someone... I know I have had strong feelings but today I think I realized I AM IN LOVE... maybe is just what distance do to people, my heart is happy.......... and I realized I DO LOVE Him and I DO want to get married with Him... sometimes doubt crips but I know today without a shadow of doubt that HE is the MAn that God has for me!!

Friday, October 03, 2008

THE POEM.....


It began as all fires do,
a spark soon ignited into a blaze of warmth and colourful delight.
You held my hand, became my friend,
earned my trust and my future once again looked bright.

Loneliness turned to hope,
emptiness filled up with dreams.
Hunger was satisfied,
and the darkness lit by love's moonbeams.

Tears no longer hit the ground,
they fall on your loving shoulder.
I feel younger,
as our love grows older.

When sorrow leaves me wilted as a sun-parched rose,
your comfort is a river that flows and flows.
The sun's light, the morning dew,
they are all the beauty that is you.

When passion ebbs,
as tides do,
love fills the wake,
and carries us through.

Your strength is as the oak,
but if it is my need you bend like the willow.
My heart is filled,
like a lucky sail with wind to billow.

Harsh cold winters,
wet springs, blissful summer heat, and the fall of time,
They'll weather my spirit,
with grace and peace, your hand in mine.

Our love's sweet creations, joyous children,
blessed am I thanks to God and you.
What greater beauty could shed light,
on the love that came from two.

Love's sweet reflection,
laughing, growing, thriving, learning.
Words cannot express what my heart feels,
how strong my love is burning.

When God took one home,
I felt my heart would never again see the sun.
But you, my love, walked with me, through the sadness,
and together we share the memories that keep our family one.

The lines of age will etch their mark on us
and time will take the strength from our bodies.
But love's brush will paint for us a picture of such beauty,
That a hundred lifetimes could not remove their glory.

I was given this poem... so beautiful that brought me to tears, so intense and yet SO Full of LOvE!!! I Love you............... I can't wait to spend the rest of my life with you..

Wednesday, October 01, 2008

Autum...






It's seems like the weather is changing like everything around me is... I love Hong Kong just realized how much I like it here....the week busy learning Rumba and Cha Cha Cha.. from a chinese guys...go figure :) is scary to think that is october already I felt like time has gone though my hands without knowing where it went.. things on my mind:

A new house, China, Pride, godliness, shallowness, GOD, food, nice music, I want to exercise, my family, are the fish alive?, a new mop, future, a wedding dress, I am not capable, my skin is soft, I am insecure, I need God, I need wisdom... the world is in crisi but GOD ISN'T, roses, banana republic perfume, Frank..........

Is 10:23 pm and I am ready to take a bath... more later.. the pictures??? painted while a time of worship.. COOL UH??